Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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