the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
