Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
