come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize