he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
