Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
