I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
