why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
