I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
