Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
