Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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