I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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