I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
