need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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