I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
