so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
