After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
