Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
