Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
