Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
