Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's always time for handjobs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
