Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
