Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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