You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
