I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
