Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
