remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize