So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Terrible idea I love it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
