I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
