I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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