Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
