I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
