Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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