oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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