I wannas sexs uuuuu
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
