just tell him i said nine months
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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