If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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