New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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