She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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