Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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