It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
