i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
