This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
