If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
