He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
