After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
operation harelip BJ is a go
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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