you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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