just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
