I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize