Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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