Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it glows. i had to have it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
