dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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