i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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