She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
