all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
