He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
