the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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