the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
