Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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