At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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