oh god the rape fog is back!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
