nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
