Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
