Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize