oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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