You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
