dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Welp...herpes.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
