you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
