people are starting to question the shark bite story
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How's work?
Spinning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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