When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
