you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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