You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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