They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
