see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
