Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
